I admit I was rude. I did a no call, no show today. The thing is, I was totally ready to go! I was up early doing my makeup — and then I just accidentally canceled my ride to bring me there. Didn't call or anything. No communication at all. I just really didn't feel like doing a group event. Plus the bubbly energy from the instructor gets to be too much sometimes. I know she means well and is just doing her job — I just am a bitch sometimes.
There's a part of me that doesn't want to continue in this program, and another part of me that is dying to figure out ways to help myself when I'm in these moods. They're taking over my life and not making things easy — they love to self-sabotage and push people away. I hate it. I know I need to change things and accept this help, but I'm lazy, and a part of me is scared, or just not ready to hear things. In the moment of a build-up, I feel it happening, and I highly doubt much can truly help.