Thoughts from
the deep end.
Real, unfiltered posts on healing, habits, and the stuff underneath — the stuff I don't usually say out loud.
At 38, I Finally Got a Name For It
On finally being diagnosed with BPD, PMDD, and what it's taught me about the relationship I almost sabotaged.
Read the Post →The Silence I Can't Sit In
On self-awareness, anxiety, and why sitting alone in silence with my own thoughts feels almost impossible.
Read the Post →The Split I Didn't See Coming
A raw look at what a BPD split feels like from the inside, and the DBT class I'm about to start to help manage it.
Read the Post →Learning to Stay When It's Easier to Cut People Off
On BPD, cutting people off, and the loneliness of pushing friends away before they can hurt you first.
Read the Post →The Pattern I Keep Repeating
On self-sabotage, three grooming salons, and why I keep torching things right when they start going well.
Read the Post →Manifesting While Broke
On watching everyone else succeed online, the frustration of building a side hustle from nothing, and trusting the universe with an empty bank account.
Read the Post →Why Are Women Such Jealous, Dumb Bitches?
On a girls' night that got weird fast, and why "I feel" statements beat snarky comments every time.
Read the Post →The Jealousy I Didn't See Coming
On a fun night out, an unexpected wave of grief the next morning, and what it stirred up about adoption and the parent I wish I'd had.
Read the Post →Tell Me I'm Not the Only One Who Does This
On being handed his phone, fighting the urge to snoop, and what trust actually looks like three years in.
Read the Post →Am I Even Magnetic?
A late-night ramble on disappointment, an ADD brain that won't slow down, wearing masks, and chasing dopamine.
Read the Post →Go Inside the Mind of a Korean Borderline When Splitting
A real-time, raw look inside a BPD split as it's happening — the texts, the panic, and the mind that won't stop spiraling.
Read the Post →A Class for the Crazy
My first day of DBT: a tiny class, an oversharing icebreaker, and the skills I'm hoping stop me from going 0 to 100.
Read the Post → Full ReadI'm Nothing Like Her, and She's My Sister
A bike ride looking for agates turns into a real conversation about childhood, adoption, and why two kids raised by the same parents can end up so different.
Read the Post →Why Is Everything So Hard at 2AM?
Burned out building this site alone, I almost fed a 2AM argument — and chose a nap and my own peace instead.
Read the Post →No Call, No Show
I was ready to go — makeup done, bag packed — then I canceled my own ride. On self-sabotage, DBT, and a funk that won't lift.
Read the Post →The Hardest Battles Nobody Knows
Addiction isn't a choice. Before the drugs, here's where I come from — adoption, a strict house, and the battles nobody sees.
Read the Post →Try the Self-Sabotage Journal — pages to track your own pattern and work through it, page by page.
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